The farm has taught me that no matter how much I want to do or get something, there is a 90% chance I won’t get it. For instance, a few sunny days in a row would be wonderful so I can mow the lawn and dry out the basement. Every morning I wake up, check the weather, cross my fingers, do a sun dance, say outloud three times “I AM SOLAR POWERED” and still… rain.
This is a good lesson for anyone; the art of rolling with the punches. It brings creative thinking, patience and a kind of zen few people have. In the past two months I have had a leaky roof, flooded basement, wormy cats, a dead goat, broken cars, over-budget projects, weeks of overtime at work and countless other small disapointments. Solutions to all problems were found, alternate plans have been made. But it does wear on the soul a little tiny bit.
The hardest part for me is when something looks like it will be what you want, but turns out to be something entirely different. Whether it be a job, a lover or a bright ray of sunshine peeking out from behind a gray rain cloud. That ride of indifference to hope to disappointment is the most challenging part in this place so far. A few people I know have decided to cut the “hope” part out so they never feel the “disappointment” part. It makes much more sense to me now than it ever did. But how does one keep from being stuck in the numbness of indifference for too long?